fall rain love

Went to my uncle in law who i used to call godfather 's last resting place. He was such a funny guy back then. His life was not easy too. But me being a little girl who doesn't really know about stuff ended up being one of his favourites because i was a kid and i didn't see any harm in him. He passed away three days after performing heart valve repair surgery which requires you to sleep and surgeon gonna put a ring over your open valve. Sounds so simple but it's scarier than it may be. Two days after the surgery, he went home and he felt like he was fully recovered that on the third day he went upstairs and fixed some plumbing issues. Later that night, he passed away. My godma went into another tough part of her life. It was just the last year when we lost my grandpa. If you're wondering,  they didn't have any children so that's why i'm referring them as my godparents.  May you rest in peace, khe pak.  Xx, F.r.l couldn't sl...

I sent a postcard to my grandma last month and i think that i should send kong kong one too but i don't know where to send so.. Hello Kong, How's things? It's been a quite while since you left us and i'm glad that now pho is not that lonely anymore since her sister moved in together with her. Yea, 五姨婆 is very kind i know.. I'm happy to say that i don't dream of you and waking up with blocked nose and sore eyes anymore. I often wonder why is it so hard for me to move on from your death since till now i refuse to wear red. I feel like red color is too happy for me. Nonsense yea i know.. People always regretted for not spending more time after one passed away. During your  hospitalised times, my dad kept on telling me to spend more time with you. I did,didn't I? I spent most of my times over the hospital, even asked my friends to hang out in front of the room. I hate to admit but yea, even doctors gave signals for us to just bring you home and let you r...

"Where's the promised happiness?" That's the translation of my title. I pity myself for unable to move on even after almost one year. Last year, grandpa had blood transfusion. It took the hospital so long until they finally start the procedure. I clearly remember grandpa was admitted on Saturday night and they took lotsa blood and examine here and there. The next morning, results came out and stated that grandpa needed blood badly. I went to the hospital in the afternoon and still greeted by his smile and very special way of calling me. My grandpa had been hospitalised numerous times before but last time he disliked the  infusion so bad that he kept wanting to plug them off. I even bought the soothing gel which my ex student used to have because he said that his hands are so painful and itchy sometimes.  Yesterday the whole family did the yearly prayer for grandpa and i was trying to be okay without thinking or regretting that i should be there. All i could ...

Today 📍 exactly 11 months since my grandpa passed away. Moving to Melbourne help me to stop mourning all the time. Nowadays i don't even mind to put on bright colors garments as i used to put on the white tee back and forth till its yellowish. Lol. I wonder how others are doing. Do they still think of grandpa? Do they still secretly cry during their sleep time because of missing him? Do they dream of grandpa? My grandma is currently in Surabaya. I bet she doesn't even know today's 11 months. She used to count the days as they need to do some Buddhism prayers.   Next month, 🚩 one year, family gonna gather then do some prayers too. Ireally  wanted to go back but dad told me  "Why bother going back when you are even not there celebrating grandma's birthday"  So yeah, i ended up staying back here and surprisingly the girl that kept saying that she wanted to go back once her studies finished is not here anymore. It's not that i get influenced ea...

24/1/2014 I cannot live like this. I have to let go everything but the truth hurts. I just can't. I almost tear up even by imagining the coming soon CNY without him. I am not as strong as what most of people say, I am not strong at all. I couldn't bear with my feelings. It feels like it is only yesterday i hold his hand under the hospital bed and continuously holding his hand until both of us fall asleep. Why it's hard for me to just feel okay? Tomorrow we will be going to where his body lay down at. I swear i wasn't like this last time. Maybe it's the hormones or what... no pregnancies ok, slightly period. I feel confused that day when you tell me you don't want to move house without telling me why. I asked you to share your thoughts to me but you said you just don't feel like to. I feel blessed that day on my birthday celebration, you amazingly had your memories back about your past.It's like you'd just woke up from your sleep and how you ca...

This is so heartbreaking. I couldn't hold back any tears when watching Lea's speech on Teen Choice Awards. I was like, why Lea, why.. 14th July 2013 xx, f.r.l.

May you rest in peace, Amanda. Thankyou for inspiring :) Ckckckck. Watch here: P.S: Bye Big Bang <3 xoxo

19th of January : daddy's stepsister passed away, she was one of the cancer survivor. ); she got no husband, so we don't make it too big. just some simple tradition. emm, i was home at 7 sthg that Thursday, was informed by my sist that she passed away and i tried not to cry until... last Saturday at the Crematorium... i couldn't hold my tears and sadness anymore, even dad was shocked by seeing my small, red and wet eyes . anddddddddddddddddddddddd... dad told me to cheer up soon or no redpockets. lol. and the Sunday, me back to the normal one loh :$ HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEARR BABIESS! :* here, come to my grandpa's house and he'll give you redpockets! lol once again happy belated chinese new year. i know that i'm late but better late than never. xoxo! Some random pictures : Lil charming Mike Me and my partner. lol Fenny Gono, my new bestiee Narlenn, my old bestiee. MY FAVE PICT OF THE MONTH : my auntie's family xD bye...

done semester test. finally! thinking of skipping school tomorrow but, i must have the math retest (to be noted: there's a lotlotlot of my friends who join the retest too.) Mandarin for today, i can do nothing. Jesusblessmypaper O:) went to sun after school with Yutanni, Cathrine and Gladys. had our lunch at Mr. pancake and here are some pictures of our plates. :b Home at three and being informed that my auntie's in Surabaya one was in comma. then, no longer 15 minutes, uncle called to grandpa's house, and said that auntie had passed away. :( sadtothemaxxxxx. but this is the best way for her. I pray for her. She'd survived for at least 3-5 years because of breast cancer, she treated well but the cells come and go as they want. -.- may she be blessed there. O:) sigh. Death is unexpected, babies. goodnight. xoxo,

1st June 2011, Went to Tanjung Balai with mommy by train. That day was my first time travel by train. Economy class with a very economic facility, indeed. I forgot to take the picture because it's too disgusting. I arrived at 12 and after lunch i went to Yayasan Sosial Kemalangan with mom. My cousin's mother in law passed away. I was kinda proud because my grandpa is one of the people that they adore very much. Here are some photos of that time They're from Lion's Club International A-must-have-snack Nasi Lemak Tanjung Balai :D THE SIGNATURE RICE OF TANJUNG BALAI! OMG I LOVE THIS. xx