24/1/2014
I cannot live like this.
I have to let go everything but the truth hurts. I just can't. I almost tear up even by imagining the coming soon CNY without him. I am not as strong as what most of people say, I am not strong at all. I couldn't bear with my feelings. It feels like it is only yesterday i hold his hand under the hospital bed and continuously holding his hand until both of us fall asleep. Why it's hard for me to just feel okay?
Tomorrow we will be going to where his body lay down at. I swear i wasn't like this last time. Maybe it's the hormones or what... no pregnancies ok, slightly period.
I feel confused that day when you tell me you don't want to move house without telling me why. I asked you to share your thoughts to me but you said you just don't feel like to.
I feel blessed that day on my birthday celebration, you amazingly had your memories back about your past.It's like you'd just woke up from your sleep and how you calculated the amount of money my dad had to spent for the dinner and told him that the dinner ain't worth the money he paid because it's vegetarian. You shared and talked to our relatives about all the things that we thought you have forgotten about. Having you back on my birthday, what would beat that birthday present?
And when you said the new house is not nice but you hesitate to tell me why. I still remember you joke about the countless mosquitos running around your new bedroom. :)
I feel proud of myself that day when nobody wanted to sleep together with you when grandma's away. I was the one that did.
I feel happy that day when you missed grandma until you shed your tears and I am the one that comforted you, telling you that she's going to be alright and back home soon.
I kinda feel grateful that day after I finished my morning class I dropped by your house and visited you. That we got to talk and laugh for a bit and took our last selfie together. The day that you finally approved I can finally have a boyfriend but in return i have to study hard. lol
I feel thankful that day when I have spare time before the Friday evening class, I dropped by your house and buy you your favorite magnum almond with my own-earned money. Apparently, that was your last ice cream that you could enjoy. I always feel like ain't got time to take pictures to brag about what am I doing, and now i regretted that kind of way of thinking. If only i took a picture of you having the ice cream, I still have the chance to see that happy face on you even on pictures.
I feel sorry about the bad things that I would have ever done to you. What I'd done for you would've never been enough to what you did.
The day when I broke your cartier pen, you weren't really angry but you asked about how could it be.
The day when I broke your glass cupboard, I cried and you panicked. You thought i was hurted that bad. D; I was just feeling guilty lol.
How you wouldn't mind me and cousins playing, jumping in your bed, made a massive mess in your bedroom.
You're the bestest grandpa, father, brother, husband anyone could ever ask for.
That's all i could pour onto here.
xx,
f.r.l wishing her grandpa a happy life afterlife.
2010, October - back from singapore and controling your health in Bunda Thamrin, Medan.
I cannot live like this.
I have to let go everything but the truth hurts. I just can't. I almost tear up even by imagining the coming soon CNY without him. I am not as strong as what most of people say, I am not strong at all. I couldn't bear with my feelings. It feels like it is only yesterday i hold his hand under the hospital bed and continuously holding his hand until both of us fall asleep. Why it's hard for me to just feel okay?
Tomorrow we will be going to where his body lay down at. I swear i wasn't like this last time. Maybe it's the hormones or what... no pregnancies ok, slightly period.
I feel confused that day when you tell me you don't want to move house without telling me why. I asked you to share your thoughts to me but you said you just don't feel like to.
I feel blessed that day on my birthday celebration, you amazingly had your memories back about your past.It's like you'd just woke up from your sleep and how you calculated the amount of money my dad had to spent for the dinner and told him that the dinner ain't worth the money he paid because it's vegetarian. You shared and talked to our relatives about all the things that we thought you have forgotten about. Having you back on my birthday, what would beat that birthday present?
And when you said the new house is not nice but you hesitate to tell me why. I still remember you joke about the countless mosquitos running around your new bedroom. :)
I feel proud of myself that day when nobody wanted to sleep together with you when grandma's away. I was the one that did.
I feel happy that day when you missed grandma until you shed your tears and I am the one that comforted you, telling you that she's going to be alright and back home soon.
I kinda feel grateful that day after I finished my morning class I dropped by your house and visited you. That we got to talk and laugh for a bit and took our last selfie together. The day that you finally approved I can finally have a boyfriend but in return i have to study hard. lol
I feel thankful that day when I have spare time before the Friday evening class, I dropped by your house and buy you your favorite magnum almond with my own-earned money. Apparently, that was your last ice cream that you could enjoy. I always feel like ain't got time to take pictures to brag about what am I doing, and now i regretted that kind of way of thinking. If only i took a picture of you having the ice cream, I still have the chance to see that happy face on you even on pictures.
I feel sorry about the bad things that I would have ever done to you. What I'd done for you would've never been enough to what you did.
The day when I broke your cartier pen, you weren't really angry but you asked about how could it be.
The day when I broke your glass cupboard, I cried and you panicked. You thought i was hurted that bad. D; I was just feeling guilty lol.
How you wouldn't mind me and cousins playing, jumping in your bed, made a massive mess in your bedroom.
You're the bestest grandpa, father, brother, husband anyone could ever ask for.
That's all i could pour onto here.
xx,
f.r.l wishing her grandpa a happy life afterlife.
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